


Candles of Remembrance

by skittle479



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 02:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13157112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittle479/pseuds/skittle479
Summary: Even the smallest spark shines brightly in the darkness.





	Candles of Remembrance

It was that time of year again. Who thought that celebrating the day of your birth was an acceptable tradition? Memories of his last birthday invaded Gabriel Lorca’s consciousness: the Buran. His crew, his friends - none of whom were here now to remember this auspicious day.

_“Captain! You haven’t had a piece of your own cake yet?” His first officer sounded scandalized by the mere suggestion, she shoved a piece of chocolate gateau under his nose. “I think we need to rectify this problem immediately!”._

Gabriel shook away the images of his fallen comrades celebrating, choosing to focus on the mission at hand: War. What was it good for? Not that it mattered, they were in the thick of it. And his ship was the only one that could turn the tide in their favor. His crew needed him now, he needed to stop living in the past. Chaos reigned on the Discovery as Gabriel left the sanctuary of his quarters, only pausing for a moment to roll his eyes at the official greetings from Starfleet. He barely glanced at the message of  _many happy returns and thank you for your loyal service._

“Lieutenant Tyler,” the captain barked as he entered the bridge.

“Sir?” Tyler responded, always at the ready.

“Is your team ready?”

“Yes sir.”

“Could you please give me your mission briefing?”

* * *

 

“Lieutenant Stamets used the spore drive to detect traces of  _Prototaxites stellaviatori_  on this planet, sir. I have put together a team, including Burnham, Lieutenant Stamets, Cadet Tilly and myself. Lieutenant Owosekun will be taking point from the bridge.”

“Very good lieutenant. Dismissed.” Gabriel watched Lieutenant Tyler’s retreating back. Just as he reached the door, Gabriel called after him. “Tyler!”

Tyler turned to face his captain.

“Be safe.”

Tyler nodded, and headed to the transporter room. As he entered, he brushed past an angry looking Dr Culber. Looking over at Lt Stamets, he asked, “trouble in paradise?”

“He thinks that there will be an infestation of mycelia which will take over my nervous system and he’ll lose me forever.” The forced smile on Stamet’s face suggested that this bothered him more than he cared to admit. Tyler knew better than to pry into their relationship.

“No sweat, Cadet Tilly will protect you, isn't that right Cadet?” He smirked at Burnham before stepping onto the transporter platform.

* * *

 

They had barely been on the surface of the planet for an hour before they had run into an alliance of Klingons. Tyler glared at Burnham to get her to stop struggling, as a Klingon foot soldier rammed his elbow into her middle, leaving her sprawled out on the floor.

“Hey, give that back!” Tilly cried shrilly, as her computer was snatched out of her grasp.

Michael pushed herself off the floor and lunged at the Klingon, attempting to reclaim the processor, only to be clamped into a choke hold. She glared at their captors, helpless, watching as they invaded the sanctity of their ship’s secrets.

Gabriel gripped the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white. It was happening again, his crew was in mortal danger and he sat in the safety of his chair.

“Captain, as your First Officer, I believe it's my duty to point out that it is vital that information about our spore drive not fall into the hands of the Klingons.” Gabriel glared at Commander Saru. Unfortunately the Kelpien had a point. It was time for plan B.

He couldn't go through this again, he wouldn't. The one thing he was certain of is that he would not let his crew suffer at the hands of the Klingons. Not on his watch.

“Bring them back on board,” he commanded.

Back on the planet, files about the Discovery crew flashed before Michael’s eyes. Personal information about her colleagues. Some things she knew, others she had never suspected. Her nostrils flared as they settled on the Captain's file, revealing his details and potential weaknesses. As Michael's eyes roamed over it, she noticed a date. In fact, it was today's date. But she barely had time to register that fact, as out of the blue came gunfire, destroying the drive and shorting out the holographic projection of their captain's face.

“NOW! DO IT NOW!” Gabriel screamed, as the strike team he had sent as a rescue confirmed the destruction of the computer.

On his command, Lieutenant Owosekun slammed down the button, transporting all members of the USS Discovery back on board. Safe and sound. For the most part that was.

“Get us clear of enemy space, Lieutenant Detmer. Mr. Saru, I'm leaving you in charge, of the bridge”

After checking on his away team, he made a beeline for his quarters, thoughts reeling from the day's challenges. He wanted to seek solace in slumber, but he knew that the sandman would only bring back the sins of his past. No, not today, he thought, helping himself to a glass of sweet smelling scotch to ward away the suffering, not to forget, just dull the pain… a little.

* * *

 

Elsewhere in the ship, Michael pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose. No, it wasn’t Sylvia’s incessant chatter causing the throbbing in her frontal lobe. That knock to her head wasn’t helping things much, but there was a small piece of information she couldn’t quite forget.

“Tilly,” she interrupted her bunkmate, cutting through Tilly’s rambling.

“Yes?”

“Did you notice Captain Lorca’s date of birth when the Klingons were violating our computer’s security?” Michael had never been one for celebrating birthdays, but when you grew up amongst Vulcans, that was only to be expected. Her only good memories of birthdays had been of Amanda sneaking a candle into her room at bedtime: ‘blow it out and make a wish!’

“No.”

“It’s his birthday!”

“OH MY GOD! It is? And none of us noticed! He must think we’re awful!”

Michael sat silently. Would the captain have wanted her to share that information?

“We have to throw him a party!” Tilly exclaimed. But her enthusiasm quickly faltered at the look on Michael’s face.

“Look, I know you’re not fond of social gatherings, but it’s tradition. And I’ll do all the organizing and heavy lifting.”

“Fine,” Michael gave in, it was human tradition after all.

* * *

 

Several hours later, Gabriel was still in his room, feet up on the table. It’s as if nothing had changed since he first sat down. The only thing that indicated that time had passed was the slow emptying of the decanter of scotch that graced the table, his bowl of fortune cookies lay untouched.

His thoughts were occasionally penetrated by the purring of his tribble, the soft sound was soothing, but did little to change the intrusive images invading his mind.

Kat’s words echoed through his mind.  _I don’t think you’ve been the same since Buran_.

His reminiscence was rudely interrupted by an announcement on the ship’s speakers.

“Emergency! Captain Lorca, your presence is required on the bridge immediately!”

Gabriel jumped to his feet, teetering slightly. He rushed to the bridge, slowing only when he reached the doors. Taking a deep breath, he hit the button to open the doors. To his immense surprise, the lights appeared dimmed. Advancing slowly, Gabriel tensed his muscles, like a cheetah stalking its prey. Without warning, the lights brightened and Gabriel reacted in kind, pulling the phaser from his belt. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he could make out the faces of his crew. For a moment Gabriel felt like he was back on the Buran...

_“Surprise!”_

_It hadn’t been a surprise. Gabriel had suspected there was a party in the works. But he had played along for the benefit of his friends, after all the work they had gone through to prepare the party, it was the least he could do._

_“Happy Birthday, Captain!” they chorused._

_Gabriel had refused to let them sing. He had to draw the line somewhere! Instead he had had shared drinks with them, laughed at their jokes and listened to the stories about their lives. He knew his crew, and in turn they trusted and respected him._

Just like the people that faced him now. Saru, Burnham, Tyler, Stamets, Culber, even Detmer was sporting a smile. Cadet Tilly approached him slowly with a frosted cake covered in candles and for a moment he stood there, phaser held in a half lowered position, mouth slightly open, for the first time, speechless.

“Captain,” Stamets started, “we know we're not quite the soldiers you're used to, but we do our best. And if anyone can push us to give our best, it's you sir. You're a great captain and we want to thank you for your service and commitment.”

Tilly started singing and one by one the crew joined in, with even Michael mumbling along with the words she had heard sung to others.

Just then it hit him. Gabriel wasn't sure what it was, but the wave of emotion was overwhelming. As he looked around, eyes filled with tears, faces appeared between those of his crew; old faces, those of his fallen friends, still haunting his present. He felt them closing in around him, suffocating him, blaming him for their demise. If he wasn't careful, history was likely to repeat itself.

The wave that had been slowly building power finally came to a head, crashing down over Gabriel, sending a deathly chill through his veins. Space; he needed space, he thought as he turned and fled from the bridge - ironic since he was surrounded by the cold depths of space.

His feet seemed to be acting of their own accord. They picked up speed. He had no sense of purpose or direction. Except the unshakeable urge to flee from the demons which refused to give him peace. He ran. Legs carrying him as adrenaline coursed through his veins. Heart pounding like a hammer as he burst through the doors of his Ready Room.

He hadn't come far, but his tears mingled with sweat as he dropped to his knees, gulping down breaths of air as though he was on the edge of drowning. In a way he was, drowning, in the memories of the friends he had failed. Their taunts rang in his ears, despite the fact that he pressed his hands over them, it only made them that much louder, that much crueler.

“Captain?”

Michael's voice was gentle, but full of concern. Why had she followed him?

“Burn’ab,” he mumbled, turning his face away.

“Captain, are you alright?” She felt slightly uncomfortable prying into her Captain's plight.

“Fibe.” Gabriel knew he wasn't convincing anyone when he couldn't even pronounce the word fine properly. It was time to swallow his pride and tell someone the truth.

He rose from his exposed position on the floor and reached under the large table, pulling out a crystal bottle of amber fluid from a less than visible compartment.

“Drink,” he said, pouring a glass and pushing it across the table.

Michael stood uncomfortably for a moment, unsure as to what she should do. She had never been a drinker, but didn't feel like she was in a position to refuse her captain. Reluctantly she picked up the glass and took a seat on the floor where her superior was making himself comfortable.

“Do you think I am a good captain, Burnham?”

Michael looked up sharply, not the question she had expected. But after a quick contemplation, she nodded.

“I presume you've done your research about my past stations?” he mumbled.

“Yes, sir,” Michael nodded, it was the truth after all.

“How much do you know of the events that occured on the Buran?”

“Just the facts.”

“Which are?”

“The Klingons captured your ship, but you escaped. The ship was destroyed… and the crew -”

“I blew them up. I knew what awaited them on Qo'noS - degradation, torture, slow, public death. I couldn't let that happen to them.”

Michael listened to the disgust in her captain's voice, the guilt, the sorrow and regret… feelings he would never admit to, but ones she shared. Memories of Captain Philippa Georgiou and her command on the USS Shenzhou forced their way into the forefront of her mind.

Taking a swig of the drink in her hand, Michael winced at the taste. “I thought this stuff was supposed to make you forget.”

Gabriel laughed mirthlessly.

“Maybe it’s time that the both of us stop living in the past, thinking about the crews we lost. We’re here now, on the Discovery and the people here need us. They are worth the effort, sir.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Same reason you do, Captain.You see the potential in them, and I can’t think of anyone better who can bring it out in them. You inspire them, they will give you their best, and they’ll do it for you.”

“I don’t deserve their best.”

“You make tough decisions, the ones that need to be made. And you accept responsibility for them. In my mind, that makes you an excellent captain.“

For the first time, Gabriel looked up at the woman sitting beside him, rather than at the bottom of his glass.

“I can see why you were on the fast track for command.” After several moments of silence, he asked, “do you think there is any cake left?”

Michael smiled, “I don’t think anyone would care to celebrate without you sir.”

As they walked back onto the bridge, a hush fell over the room, all eyes on Gabriel. He could feel the tension, his crew waiting for his reaction. He smiled.

“I suppose there are some candles to blow out!“


End file.
